it's evolution, baby

Do you ever look at indie rock dudes and think to yourself, "What's happening to modern man? Where has his manhood gone?" Because sometime I wonder. They are so skinny and brittle, like fragile constructions of sticks and glass - such a far cry from the thick bones and rough hands that fought in the World Wars and worked the assembly lines.

And I can't help but wonder if this is evolution at work? What with all the video games and computer jobs, is it any wonder that men are losing their way? And I begin to wonder what hope is there for my future sons? Will they be even weaker than our current crop? Will technology prevent the need for muscle mass altogether?

For those who fear for humanity's future the way I do, for those who can see the writing on the wall - that mankind has peaked and is now free falling in a tailspin back to its original algae state, I say to you, Fear Not. For the transhumanismists have taken human evolution into their own hands.

I've now penned three unnecessary paragraphs all in order to ask the following questions: What is transhumanism? And where are the transhumanists leading us?


Transhumanism is a belief that science & technology should be used to move humanity into the next phase of its existence. It will take us so far from where we're currently at that we won't even be called "humans" anymore. Rather, we'll be called posthumans (that is, unless the posthumans don't like being named by a lesser species. Being posthuman, they will probably come up with a term that transcends our language). Monkey to Man to Posthuman...got it? Posthumans will be nearly immortal if not fully, they will barely get sick, and who knows? That's where the fun starts. Their story is yet to be written.

Perhaps we will try to add wings to future men. Or, maybe in the posthuman world, we will breathe fire out of our mouths? Don't forget about the possibility of installing computer chips into our brains. These are all potential steps that transhumanists would probably want us to consider taking. In this Slate article, those types make themselves known. One man is using science & technology to become a cat. With enough tattoos and plastic surgery, he might one day look as believable as a high school mascot.

But let's get down to business here. We could talk about crazy trashumanists forever because their vision for mankind is really hilarious, if not entirely frightening. However, looking past the total loons out there, I'm wondering if maybe there aren't some truly legitimate ideas behind the transhumanists' thinking? Perhaps it is time for us to use our advanced technologies to enhance the human race.

For instance, I'm always hearing about humans only using 5-10 percent of their brains. I want to know what happens when that is boosted up to about 80 or 90%. That would be an evolutionary step, no?

And by boosting brain power, I'm not hoping for mankind to become smarter necessarily (I use the word "smarter" loosely here. You could argue that mankind hasn't been getting smarter at all. Tell me, what will be standing longer: the Egyptian Pyramids or the Luxor in Vegas? Granted, this point is fairly b.s. since the Luxor doesn't stand as a symbol of devolved thinking as much as it stands for the western world's need for cost-efficient immediacy. Nonetheless, i think i make a point here. Have we really been getting smarter?). Getting back to the point, who knows what might happen if we increased our brain power? Telekinesis?

We can dream and imagine all we want. Books and movies have been doing this forever. That's the fun of having evolution's direction in your hands. HG Wells explores the future of human evolution in "The Time Machine" and controlled human evolution in "The Island of Doctor Moreau." The X-Men stories are definitely a variation on this theme. In reality, we could wildly pursue similar dreams for mankind (like being able to control the weather with your eyes), experimenting and tinkering until we find an evolutionary step that makes sense. We could do that. But we shouldn't. (I'm pretty sure Wells is making a similar argument in "Moreau," although I've not exactly read it, so I might be way off.)

If we're truly reaching a crossroads for humanity, one where Darwin's evolution is old hat, the question we need to focus on is what do we wish to become? If we're going to take humanity "up a notch," we need to talk more about where we want to go. If the transhumanists are right - if human evolution is really in our hands now - then these are decisions that need to be made.

Of course, most normal people aren't ready to party with the transhumanists yet. If NASA in the 1960s was asking "In space, where do we go?" the people were probably saying, "Why go at all?" Plenty of moral objections have been made already, and I know that I'm getting ahead of the major argument of whether we should "go to space" at all. What I'm saying is, if I were a transhumanist, I might consider choosing a location to sell to the general public, instead of offering generic infinities. If you're living in the 1960s, what sounds more appealing if you're NASA selling the space program: the abstract "We want to go into outer space!" or the more refined "We want to go to the moon!"
















So, to the transhumanists out there: where do we go?

(FYI: I'm not so interested in hearing from the Raelian transhumanists, because I've not been convinced you guys know what you're talking about. Cloning yourself in order to become "immortal?" Eh. I'm shrugging my shoulders. Maybe I'm alone on this one, but immortality in the human sense doesn't do much for me. Spiritual immortality, if it's possible, holds more appeal. Still, at least the Raelians are trying to have concrete ideas. Of course, they really are crazy, though. Believe me).

Anyways, getting back on track, this is the part where I tell you that I've successfully mapped the future of our species.

(Drumroll....)

We need to be better people.

We don't need to be taller or faster or develop a second thumb. I'm not sure we need to get smarter, because so far, the "smarter" we get, the bigger the bombs get.

I'd rather see the global community evolve in its moral clarity. Could we inherently grasp things like patience, tolerance, self-sacrifice, generosity, and all these types of things? Could we also add better appreciation for the arts to the list? If humanity can develop a better inherent understanding of these things, won't that do more for the state of humankind than anything else? And then guess what comes after that? We begin to operate in global harmony, mindful of things beyond ourselves as individuals but instead, we become mindful of things on a societal level! The world sings together in one enlightened voice and the old, inherently destructive nature of man is put to bed forever!















Whew.

Okay.

That might be slightly grandiose in scope. Essentially, I just stood before you and said, "Let's go into outer space!" And our goal is the moon. So then, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the moon...

The next step in human evolution = a better sense of humor for all humanity.

Think about it. Humor is one of the greatest feats man has ever achieved. People aren't angry when they're laughing. They aren't depressed. They aren't as prone to be jerkholes to other people when they're laughing. Laughter unites people, it builds friendships and relationships. It relieves tense situations. It makes the worst moments bearable.

Think about it. Did Hitler have a good sense of humor? Of course he didn't. How about the judgmental Christian-right? Also humorless. Joseph McCarthy never laughed once; it's a proven fact.

So my challenge to the transhuman evolutionists out there is to find a way to make people funnier. Call it the gateway to moral clarity. Soon enough in our hilarious global society, people will stop tailgating on the roads, murder & war will be a thing of the past, and overly somber films like "The English Patient" will be forgotten forever.

So maybe...just maybe...unlocking that 80-90% of untapped brain power will help this cause. Or maybe there are other ways to make people funnier. I don't really know. But that's really not for me to worry about. I came up with the idea. It's up to the transhumanists now.