A lonely doctor (Sandra Bullock) and a frustrated architect (Keanu Reeves) begin exchanging love letters only to discover they are living two years apart.
That's the description for the new romantic drama, "The Lake House," which hits theaters June 16th. What do you think about that, huh? Sounds awesome, right?
No. It doesn't.
Now granted I'm a man and I like eating meat and drinking beer. I'll grant you that. I'm not the film's target audience. But listen, I'm also known to be a sucker for certain Nora Ephron movies when they come on TBS. In other words, I will watch some of this garbage when I'm feeling all sensitive inside.
But I'm convinced "The Lake House" has gone too far.
Let's start with the premise. "Two people exchange letters and discover they're two years apart." Two years apart. Now that is an obstacle. They aren't separated by space or circumstance or emotional turmoil or any other typical Hollywood convention. They're separated by time!
There's a little thing called Suspension of Disbelief that almost all fictional films have to be aware of when they're being written, and this story has clearly gone over the deep end. Now the film's writers might argue that what they're attempting is the same as any fictional movie - like say "Star Wars" - where you have to forget about reality in order to believe the story. But I would argue that stories like George Lucas's trilogy do not violate the Suspension of Disbelief principle, despite the fact that wookies and ewoks are flying through space. "Star Wars" starts with that familiar prologue, "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..." In one sentence, an entire setting is established, and so too, is the audience's expectations. Said differently, the science-fiction genre was invented to host such ludicrous things as Chewbacca. But Romantic Drama is not so flexible. RomCom maybe could pull this off. Drama cannot. Remember the drama "The Boy Who Could Fly?" Actually you probably don't. But trust me, it exists and it features a young Fred Savage. And it's about a boy who can fly. And it's not a joke. It's meant to be very serious.
And guess what?
It sucks.
So that's step one: the premise doesn't fit the genre. But secondly, and more importantly, can't the conflict in this story be resolved very easily? It's not like that movie called "A Moment in Time" or whatever it's called, where Christopher Reeves falls in love with a woman who lived in another lifetime than his. As stupid as that movie is, at least it causes a real delima for the two characters involved. He can't get to the woman he loves. But "The Lake House" dilemma isn't a dilemma at all. I mean, why can't Keanu's character simply write a letter that says "Meet me at the Hilton near the freeway at eight o'clock on the first day of June?" Keanu knows this Hilton existed two years ago, and therefore should be able meet her there. Right? Maybe I'm completely underestimating the tricky nature of time-space, but if it's January 1, 2006 and I write my lover a letter telling her to be somewhere on January 5, 2006, someone explain to me where the hangup is at? I mean, if they had no means of communication, then finding each other would be a problem. Definitely. But I'm told they have a magic mailbox at their disposal.
So I'm left to believe the writers have added horrible twists and turns in order to complicate the rather simple solution to this story. Maybe Sandra Bolluck's secret admirer destroys the mailbox before Keanu can tell her where to meet up? Maybe the film will attempt something on a Back to the Future II scale, with present-tense Keanu hiding from past-tense Keanu, thereby leading to confusing stuff. I don't know.
What I do know is that the romantic duo from "Speed" will be igniting fireworks on the big screen once again. People might attack this aspect of the film, but not me. I actually like Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. You know, one more movie together and they're the new Hanks/Ryan. Maybe "Speed" was their "Joe vs. the Volcano," which makes "The Lake House" their "Sleepless in Seattle." Of course, I assume that Sleepless is way better than Lake House. So I guess Hanks & Ryan are still in the lead, and there's no way Reeves & Bullock top You've Got Mail. I'm not gay.
Let's just wrap this up before I lose any more dignity. We've all seen "The Lake House" before. In its past life it was called "The Notebook" or "Waiting to Exhale" or "A Walk to Remember." My question is what will "The Lake House" bring to the table the none of those other films could? Time separation? So Keanu + Bullock + Time Separation = "Let's go see the Lake House?" Am I wrong to hate this movie before it's even been released?
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