Well, along those same lines, ladies & gentlemen, standing tall amidst all the sheep is a fast-food restaurant that has long been searching for identity and purpose, and I'm happy to report, it has found it. Ladies & gentlemen, Burger King has self-actualized before our very eyes.
There are leaders and there are followers.
In a world where fast-food retailers have been guilted into adding salads and other low-fat options to their menus, Burger King has gleefully decided to become the most bad-for-you restaurant on the planet and possibly in the history of the universe. The BK menu boasts the food equivalent of WMD, featuring such items as the triple whopper, something called "chicken fries," and a few other doozies.
The tour-de-force in Burger King's arsenal, though, must be the breakfast sandwich called the "Meatnormous." The name alone evokes images of greasy sausage, ham and bacon layered upon scrambled eggs, all naturally smothered in cheese. And maybe - just maybe - the Meatnormous comes with a side of sausage gravy to dip your sandwich into. It weighs, I imagine, a full pound, and upon digestion of the Meatnormous, I imagine you are overcome with a feeling of immense lethargy as your body uses all its resources to process such a fatty, cholesterol-laden meal (don't forget about the little hashbrown poppers that come on the side; it is your duty to eat those also).
* actual Meatnormous next to a Ho Ho, compliments of someone's MySpace page. Thanks to you.
Science tells us that every action brings forth a reaction. In the case of the fast food industry, the first action came in the form of a movie. "Super Size Me" - the pseudo-documentary / cultural commentary / science project where a man eats only McDonald's for 30 days - created enough short-term embarrassment about how susceptible Americans are to the fatty charms of fast food that retailers like Wendy's, Arby's and McDonald's decided to diversify their portfolios, so to speak. Suddenly yogurt and side-salads were all the rage. Who needed french fries anymore in a post-Super-Size Me world?
"Pshaw. I spit on such cowardice," said Burger King, triumphant.
While the nancy corporations out there mimicked the "Subway Approach," Burger King did the unthinkable. It laughed in Morgan Spurlock's face and said, "Your movie will only make us stronger. We will market food abominations that will make John Candy roll in his grave." And they have.
You might be wondering why I'm so proud of Burger King, a company on the verge of making Phillip Morris seem saintly. It's not that I appreciate destructive food at all. In fact, I never eat at Burger King, not ever. The food is not really the point. I understand that obesity is still rising in our country, and in two years 1-in-5 children will be considered obese, blah blah blahhh. Yes, that's terrible.
What I like is that Burger King has finally become free to be itself. No longer standing in McDonald's shadow, Burger King has distinguished itself as the food destination for men's-men. The King character himself is often seen in commercials either playing in NFL games or hanging out around construction sites or with lumberjacks. And there is nary a woman to be found in any of the commercials. There was even a musical commercial where men just sang and danced about the grandeur of BK's deliciously unhealthy food. They are not ashamed of what they've become. No no. Much to the contrary. Burger King celebrates its new found lunacy with infectious enthusiasm! with joy! with moxie! like Carnival! Seriously, it's like the majority stockholder died and bequeathed his fortune to his 17-year-old son, who now runs BK with all of his buddies.
You see, Burger King's entire identity used to hang on its flame-broiled method of cooking hamburgers. However, that was never quite enough to distinguish them from McDonald's. It was a boring restaurant with boring food choices. McDonald's, alternately, owned the market on fun, what with Ronald, Grimace, Mayor McCheese, Playhouses, Happy Meals, etc. I guess Burger King wanted to be McDonald's for adults. The result was boredom.
But now they find themselves rebelling against the social norm in such a blatant way that Burger King almost comes off looking like a punk rock hero. And that's what's really important here. Call it a new marketing strategy if you want, but I think it's less contrived than that. Burger King discovered that, at its heart, its not a grumpy old curmudgeon meant for grumpy adults after all. It is, in fact, a Fat Man's Paradise. Nothing more, nothing less. That's what it always has been. It just took some time to figure it out. And now...freedom. The freedom to be what they are, like coming out of the closet.
There are leaders and there are followers. And Burger King has finally gone from the latter to the former, even though at the end of the day they might stand alone, left simply to make the world fatter and more pathetic with all their many chicken fries and Meatnormouses. Or their new philosophy may backfire, leading to Chapter 11. No matter the consequences, The King can rest soundly at night knowing it discovered a distinct personality for itself - finally - which is all any of us could hope for in life.
1 comment:
Yes, the repititious use of the phrase "There are leaders, and there are followers" is a nod to Mitch Albom.
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