Snakes on a Plane has finally hit theaters after many months of Internet hype. And while I long to see this film late some night with drunken hissing masses, sadly I must say I haven't seen it yet. But I will predict before seeing this movie that it will live up to the hype, forcing the studio to try to recapture the magic for a sequel or five. Of course none of them will have the same love affair with the public the way the original has, and most of them will come out straight to DVD. Sam L. Jax will not star in any future volumes, leaving the guy who played Cody in "Step by Step" to play clean-up duty.
Nonetheless, in honor of this special film here is a list of titles for future installments coming soon to a video store near you...
Snakes on a Plane 2: Snakes on a Train
The rationale is simple - change the setting and you have a sequel in the oven. And it rhymes. And the title completely contradicts itself, which is my favorite part.
Snakes on a Plane 3: Snakes...in the Rain!
Trying to capitalize on the rhyming technique, Snakes 3 nearly ruins the franchise.
Snakes on a Plane 4: Snakes take Manhattan
Looking for a proven winner to undo the Snakes...in the Rain! fiasco, the producers take a note from Napkin Sketches and set the disaster film in New York.
Snakes on Planes
If Alien can get away with simply adding an "S" to make its sequel, Aliens, then why couldn't Snakes try it? My crystal ball is also seeing the phrase "double the trouble" for this one. It writes itself.
Nelville Flynn's Travels
The Snakes franchise looks backwards in this installment, making a prequel about Sam L. Jax's character from the original film. It will be much better than it has any right to be, as it deals with Flynn's struggles with existentialism and the future. And nobody will watch it.
so, the franchise makes a power play to try to reclaim its place among the masses...
Snakes on a Plane 7 vs. Anaconda 3
Kind of like Jason versus Freddy or Alien vs. Predator, finally we will answer this age old question. By the way, this is the first one to have a theatrical release since Snakes 2. It makes more money in its opening weekend than Titanic. It stars Joey from "Friends". Then the world explodes and there are no more snakes on a plane movies.
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