blue collar blues

dear mr. obama,

i felt compelled to write you the day after the pennsylvania primary to let you know why i didn't vote for you.

it's not that i was enamored with hillary. in fact, i think we can both agree she's sort of loud and that her voice is something like an alley cat being ground to death by a wood chipper. of course i like bill a whole lot. life was better in the 90's than it is now, and he was president for a lot of those years, so i think having him back in the white house could make times good again. we didn't talk about terrorists and the economy as much back then. it was more about oj simpson and tonya harding and so forth. times were simpler and i liked that. plus bill was just flat out cool, which i'm sure you'd agree with.

but this goes beyond my love of bill. frankly, mr. obama, if i might cut to the chase, i didn't vote for you because i'm afraid of your black skin and your funny name. while i'd be uncomfortable calling myself a racist i do know that i wouldn't want my daughter dating no black. why? they're disruptive in groups at the movie theater for one. second, they'd rather take a check from the government than work. and tell me this: why do so many black folks have handicap parking passes? lazy i tell you.

do you like tyler perry's body of work? i'll bet you do.






another thing: your middle name is hussein. as far as i can tell, that's an arab's name, just like saddam who's hopefully rotting in a pit of fire as we speak. how do we know a black arab like you won't blow up the white house your first day on the job? you'd probably be too lazy to do it on the first day.

of course those are jokes. i don't exactly believe all of that. but i am worried black people will over take the white species and you know they're dying to enslave us for a change. so that's something that lingers in the back of my mind about you.

also, i was told that you're an elitist and i don't like the thought being bossed around by some high-brow know-it-all champagne-drinking black arab. i'll bet the french just love you, don't they? you seem french to me, and i don't like that. senator clinton seems more american to me than you do. i'll bet you drive a prius, too. that just dawned on me.

fact is, i love guns, beer, bowling and The Lord. you seem like you don't, and therefore i'm afraid you won't represent my best interests if you become the president. i guess that's what it really boils down to for me.

i don't like you're pastor either. he thinks america's evil and i think the opposite is true. warrants mentioning.

in short, i don't trust you and therefore you didn't receive my vote. i can't quite put my finger on why that is, but if i figure it out i'll be sure to let you know.


mr. obama, i wish you all the best, mostly, and i thank you for your time.


sincerely,

anonymous blue collar male who's catholic and making less than $50,000 annually with no college education