easter: still the worst

sorry Jesus, but Easter is weak. coloring eggs, hiding eggs, hiding baskets, the Easter Bunny? Somebody try to rationalize for me the absurdity of these so-called traditions alongside the observance of Christ's big comeback? i know not everyone believes in/ gives a crap about JC. but Easter, nonetheless, needs a face lift. there's nothing for adults here. nothing. maybe bumping Shark Week to #6 will act as a wakeup call.

those words were said way back on july 29, 2006 in a piece entitled the new holiday.

with easter day happening tomorrow, i thought it would be fun to remind everybody how lame this holiday actually is. looking back on the words i wrote last year, it strikes me that i still stand by all those thoughts and feelings. in fact, after coloring eggs today my disdain for easter has only strengthened. add to that the fact that i had to work on good friday and that i go back to work on monday - i mean, what is there to like? you get no guaranteed time off! even certain government operations are open on good friday, which says something about how lightly easter is viewed. i mean, the government loves to take time off. if you can't get those guys to take a vacation then you must be doing something wrong.

yes, jesus is cool, as is his story. i like that side of easter. but this is all the more reason why the holiday fails so miserably. jesus in the eyes of most people is either: the Son of God; or one of the most (and to many The most) influential figures to ever exist. does his life and his potential resurrection not justify something better than easter eggs and bunnies and potato salad?

even the color scheme of easter is awful. pastels hurt my eyes to look at. while many women are able to enjoy and celebrate these colors, they leave men feeling uncomfortable and neutered. i hate pastels.

finally, i want to mention the easter bunny. i'll grant you that, as a child, the easter bunny was fun. he brings you candy and small toys and he hides them somewhere in your house in a basket. i don't think he's a particularly creative holiday mascot, and i would've certainly vetoed the idea if i worked for hallmark, but you've gotta give him credit. as ridiculous as he is, kids still fall for it, which really is a testament to how gullible kids really are. they'll believe in anything that nets them candy and toys. still, the point i want to make here is that the easter bunny's success has little to do with the brilliance of his creation but more so with the fact that kids want to believe mystical gift-giving creatures exist no matter how ridiculous it might be. the easter bunny ranks just above an inanimate object on the scale of good mascots.

i say all this to say that i'm not excited about easter tomorrow, and with any luck i've brought you down too.